Daddy’s Girls why do you keep dating Pimps like your Daddy?

“Wow, I’m a woman of substance, intelligent, attractive, charismatic, spiritually grounded, refined, cultured, nurturer, professional, homemaker, sexy, and multidimensional. Any sane man would deem me a Diamond in the Rough, wonderful wife, or marriage material. So, why do I always end up in dysfunctional relationships, with half-raised dubious men who intentionally try to break my spirit repeatedly? My entire dating experience has been one massive disaster after another, filled with lies, betrayal, abuse, disrespect, and mistreatment in various forms or fashions. I know my worth! So why do I doggedly choose losers, jerks, imposters, men incapable of loving me in the way I desire, and deserve? I don’t have a specific preference. I date a variety of quality men, so I thought.  For some reason, they appear into my life as the answers to my exhaustingly long patient wait for true love. Eventually, they transform into creatures of the same descents, displaying similar dysfunctional behaviors. What’s going on, I feel like I’m in the middle of a conspiracy theory. They’re secret agents working together, plotting against the essence of my soul.  They come at different times.  Appearing unique, possessing similar game, as if they’re all one in the same. If I didn’t know any better, I would assume they’re all related. Better yet, they remind me of my Daddy.” If this is similar to your dating experiences, then you may want to continue reading the article.

How was your relationship with your Biological Father? How did your father treat your mother or the women in his life? What type of personality did he have? These are just some questions to consider, if you want to understand your selection process. You may want to stop here, ponder for a moment, and take notes. Unknowingly to most, your father, present or not, was mainly responsible for shaping your perception/picture of men. His role was fundamental to your development from childhood into adulthood. He set the standard of a man, beliefs that a young girl would subconsciously/unintentionally use to establish low or high standards internally/within. The role he portrayed would evolve into a normal state of being in her mind. She would most likely attract men who emulate/copy or reject his ways, or take on his behavior in adulthood.  Honestly ask yourself, “Was my father a good man, was he a man of high morale?  Am I my father? Are the men in my life a reflection of my Daddy?

Most family models of what a family should be sets up abusive, emotionally dishonest dynamics.  What we considered normal Black parenting was abusive in nature, linked back to the slavery era.  “Children are to be seen not heard, Do as I say not as I do,” does not work with children at all.  We know this because we’re emulating/copying some of our parent’s behaviors now. The standard of a good father differs. So, I’m going to mention just a few attributes.  A father provides a strong secure foundation as an ACTIVE leader, protector, provider, fun loving, disciplinary, confidant, and nurturer. He’s the definition of a man.  A reflection of God’s image and love, rather or not he resides in the household. His relationship with women provides daughters with key knowledge of a man’s desires, behaviors, and thinking process. His behavior establishes expectations of treatment. He understands how critical it is to invest an appropriate amount of time, energy, and emotions into his daughter, enabling her into a well-grounded, lovely, confident, high-esteem, mighty, successful woman.  This woman will most likely select decent or honorable men to date, men who resemble her wonderful father.   Her father’s role is not an alternate role, and love is irreplaceable. Stepfather’s are not the replacements of biological fathers, they’re alternates, and the same rules should apply. 

On the other hand, Pimp Daddies are poor examples of fathers. Most behave as if their dubious behavior or secret double lives will not affect their daughters. That belief couldn’t be further from the truth.  Daughters who witness the verbal or physical abuse of their mothers WILL go through the drama in adulthood as well.  Pimp Daddies look at your beautiful Angels.  Imagine your daughter getting her ass kicked, by someone’s son who possesses similar traits.  He will demean your daughter as you demean her mother or the women in your life. Now, he will do as you do, unto your daughter, your princess, your baby girl. You can bet on the fact that he’s emulating their father’s pimp ways as well.  You should also imagine him feeling empowered by his ability to break her spirit. You may be thinking, “No he won’t. I’m going to game my daughter up.  Let one of those Young ***** cross my doorstep looking for my Baby girl. I’ll be waiting with my pistol or other forms of destruction.”  Usually comments such as these provide fathers with temporary gratification and comfort. Well, I have news for you Daddies. Most fathers claim the same things, and soon discover that they can’t stop a Pimp/Player from inflicting his wrath of pain upon Daddies Girls. Wow, that bit of truth might trigger denial! The fact is daughters will most likely select, a Pimp like their Daddies!  The odds are not in her favor at all. 

Womanizing behaviors such as, serial cheating, pimping women for money and gifts, traveling from various baby’s mama to prospective girlfriend’s houses, will influence daughter to either accept or inflict similar behaviors. If they accept the behavior, they will evolve into fixers, and set goals to fix the broken man.  She’ll help him find a job, establish a new career, clean up his appearance by purchasing clothes, assist him with working through internal issues, personality flaws, insecurities, substance-abuse, and etc. Usually he doesn’t change, may even resist, or resent her efforts.  She’ll continue to make massive sacrifices all in the name of unconditional love. The love never received by her father.  If he does it’s a temporary change, usually the dog will just return to his vomit, dump her and move on to another woman of substance.  She will most likely repeat the “save the dog syndrome” after he’s finish sucking the life from her spirit as well.  Why you may ask, well it’s certainly not because she’s stupid, or she asked to be mistreated, although most would love to believe those myths.  No, this is what her father taught her love was with his actions.  She will remain in the relationship proving to her “father” that she’s worthy of love, did I say father or man?  I said father, remember the man is just a reflection of her father. 

If a husband is overbearing, selfish, aggressive, and demeans his wife with despicable names such as fat ass, hoars, bitches, sluts, etc. Then most likely his daughter will marry a man similar to her father. Or she’ll marry a passive, self-sacrificing martyr, loving, sensitive, respectful more than worthy man, and will evolve into her father and mistreat him just as her father mistreated her mother. When confronted, she won’t apologize, because her behavior will be justified as normal in her sick and twisted, distorted eyes. She’ll endure his hateful put-downs, mocking, and insensitivity, and allow men to use her insecurities to control her, or keep her in her rightful place as a needy subservient wife. The more he mistreats her the more she loves and attempts to prove her unconditional selfless love to a man who’s nothing more than a reflection of her Biological Pimp Daddy. Eventually, she will become addicted to chaos, and remain caught up in dysfunctional continuous cycles of loving and hurting.

These women grew up in situations where they witnessed their father’s drunken rampages, drug abusive behaviors, abusive episodes, sexual deviant behaviors, rage episodes, and etc.  They also watched they’re weakened mothers accept and endure.  Most young girls resented their mothers for allowing the behavior, or because of her lack of ability to resolve the problems. As children, they began thinking about resolutions. They tell themselves, “When I grow up I’m going to do what mommy couldn’t do.  She’s stupid, I’m never going to allow a man to treat me like that.” Why is she making Daddy mad?  She’s making him want to leave us.” Fairy tales where the Prince kissed and rescued the damsel in distress, influenced such thinking. As adults, they marry frogs they can change and turn into the man of their dreams. As adults, these same women make comments such as, “I can’t believe she let her man get away, or “When are you going to find a decent man?”  I call these ladies, the send off girls! Sadly, they believe that any man is better than no man, and that a dysfunctional man is the epitome of a man, because he’s just like their Pimp Daddies.          

If you see yourself or your father in one of the scenarios and you find yourself blaming men for abusing you time and time again.  You may want to stop blaming the Pimps who are merely just reflections of deeper-rooted issues. You may want to search within for the answers. I too was a victim of dating self-professed pimp/players with similar characteristics of my father.  I will not share my story.  You’ll have to read that in my up-coming memoir, “Dumb Blonde Black Girl.”  However, I will share, that I applied mental tools to reprogram my thinking, and self-destructive behaviors. Presently, I’m no longer attracted to sick and twisted men, who constantly fed off my pain and attempt to suck the very life from my soul!  Now that’s a thing of my past. What I now realize is that I was my worst enemy.  Once I focused on my inner versus physical development, everything else fell into place. I no longer desired Pimps like my Daddy, in fact I despised their dubious ways on levels your never understand.      

The law of attraction is accurate when it claims, “We are who we attract.” Sadly, we’re sometimes reflections of our imperfect biological parent’s parenting. Thank God, we weren’t built to break, our bodies, minds, and spirits were built to restore.  Some father’s established their dubious behaviors and poor parenting from their Pimp Daddies, and unintentionally pass the generational curses down to their daughters and sons.  However, God does not give us more than we can handle.  He’s capable of renewing the minds of broken daughters and fathers. My Heavenly Daddy is my new example of a perfect father. All I had to do was seek him and follow his principles solely designed to protect me from the grasps of victimizers.  Now, I’m a reflection of my Heavenly Father versus my biological father. Sometimes, we must reflect back to where we established learned behaviors, or generational curses, in order to heal today. We must fully understand ourselves if we desire to operate from higher states of awareness, or if we desire to experience joy. If you can relate, then consider attending the next Victorious Vision Workshop, “Daddy’s Girls why do you keep Dating Pimps like your Daddy?  I can provide you with mental tools to identify and replace mental models within, and reprogram self-destructive behavior. 


Authoress: Nicole McGill
CEO/President of Victorious Visions Inc.
Thank you for your time and  feel free to provide feedback friends.